Invocations + being a friend to yourself.
Have you ever noticed yourself being kinder to a friend than you are to yourself?
We all do it, and for good reasons: we’ve been taught that we need to be hard on ourselves in order to be good, productive people.
Thing is . . . self-punishment doesn’t work as well as we think it should. What if we tried something different, like perhaps, treating ourself like a friend?
“Self-compassion doesn’t just amount to letting ourselves off the hook. Rather, by softening the blow of self-judgment and recognizing our imperfect humanity, we can see ourselves with much greater honesty and clarity.”
What’s the chatter in your mind like? Is it kind at all? (If not, then there’s no reason to beat yourself up about that, too. It just means you’re like the rest of us.)
I find that having a go-to supportive phrase grounds me by relieving the cycle of self-punishment and helping me refocus on what’s important. I got the idea from mantras, traditionally a phrase in Sanskrit used in yoga and meditation to anchor the mind, but the concept can be applied more broadly. A grounding phrase can be in any language and mean anything and be used anywhere to accompany anything. The only requirement is that your chosen phrase anchors you in compassionate support, rather than self-punishment, opening up possibility, rather than limiting you with judgment.
You could call it an “invocation.” Think, in-vocation, or calling in. It’s a calling back in to yourself, your values, your intentions, your heart.
“Language creates reality. Words have power. Speak always to create joy.”
You could use an established phrase, or create one of your own. Here’s a series of questions you could use to craft one for yourself.
First, imagine someone who cares about you sitting with you, in a moment when you’re struggling. (Can’t think of a person? You can imagine an abstract concept, like love & light, or a benevolent divine being. Alternatively, you can imagine yourself as the caring friend, speaking to someone you love.)
What would they ask to draw your attention to what’s really happening and what you’re really feeling, without any resistance to what is? (Oh sweetie, you’re feeling ____ because ____.)
What would they say that reminds you that your experience is part of being human? (It’s so normal to feel ____ what this kind of thing happens. Anyone would. / Sometimes ____ happens. We all go through these things; I know it’s hard.)
What could they tell you that would truly support you, without judging you? (I can see that ____ would help you do the next right thing.)
What do they know about you that remind you of your strengths or your values? (I know you can do this. I know that because you _____ and that means you ____.)
As you journal or imagine answers to these questions, notice what words and phrases tug your heartstrings, create a sense of peace, or just feel right somehow. Choose a piece and fashion it into an easily-repeatable phrase that you can share with yourself—like you would say to a friend. This can be your invocation for as long as it suits your needs.
“My experience is that by practicing without ‘should,’ we gradually discover our wakefulness and our confidence. Gradually, without any agenda except to be honest and kind, we assume responsibility for being here in this unpredictable world, in this unique moment, in this precious human body.”
You can use your invocation in all sorts of situations. It can function as a mantra for yoga, meditation, or prayer. Any activity, like taking a walk, chopping vegetables, relaxing in a bath, or even flossing can become a meditative activity if you use your invocation as a meditative focus. You can put it on a post-it note on your mirror, create a piece of art with it, make it into a phone or computer wallpaper so you see it every day. You can use it to guide a prayer asking for what you need. You cast a spell with it. Your invocation can accompany you throughout your day: when you feel your emotions run high, when you make a mistake, or when you’re about to do something challenging. Any moment when you could benefit from a gentle reminder of your intentions can be a moment to call up your invocation.
“Be the reason why someone loves themselves.”
Remember that “someone” can be you.
