How am I supposed to feel happy and creative if I secretly don’t believe I deserve it?
If I’d read the title to this post even just a few years ago, I think I would have felt badly. Oh crap, I’m supposed to feel good about myself! Quick, add “feel deserving” to the to-do list!
If that’s you, I see you, and…can we talk, heart-to-heart?
I believe down to the bone marrow in my toes that creativity is our birthright. If that’s hard for you to hold, I’d like to share the thought that got me there:
Why would I be given all this creativity and all these dreams just to deny them?
Take your time; don’t move on from it too fast.
Humans are unique among the animal kingdom for lots of reasons, including our ability to use our imaginations at such a creative level. As a species, we also feature consciousness of our purpose and happiness. Pretty cool, and, no pressure! I would like to posit that happiness is a creative pursuit.
Creativity is part of happiness and purpose. And as humans, it’s our birthright. It’s how we human.
“Do you really think God made you—uniquely, wonderful you—in hopes you would deny your true self because it might be off-putting to others?”
I’m going to make an even bolder claim. The society I grew up in told me that humans, by their nature, are bad. Not to be trusted. And there’s not enough for all of us. Lock your doors and take your belongings. If you give an inch, they’ll take a mile. And I am a human, too.
Ouch.
Does it sound familiar?
You may want to be happy and creative, you may have a secret dream, but secretly feel you don’t deserve it. If so, I promise, you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. Our environment hides the truth and so we get distracted trying to earn our worth instead, to earn permission to be the creative self we sense we are. The Truth?
The truth is you already have all the worth in the universe and you never had to earn it.
“What if we all understood the inherent vastness of our humanity and therefore occupied the world without apology?”
Look, I know I can scream that from the rooftops and everyone will get a warm, fuzzy feeling for a moment then go back to not believing it because it doesn’t feel safe to believe. So, I’ll keep saying it (I need to hear it, too) because repetition is one tool for integrating an idea. Also, consider this activity to try (that was mind-blowing for me): *
Ask for it.
Ask for the thing you secretly want down to the marrow of your toe-bones.
Consider this: you are part of this universe, and you are allowed to ask it for the things you want, because the things you want at a heart and soul level are also part of the universe. They’re there for a reason.
“There was nothing to change or fix. It became clear to me in that moment that our life is a gift, and since we are in our life, we are gifts to the world.”
Are you rejecting this? I gotcha, let’s work with that. Take a centering breath and a moment to imagine your brain and your heart. How do each of them feel about believing in your inherent creativity? Is there a difference?
Ask your heart: what’s uniquely amazing about me?
Ask your brain: thank you for your input, and can you let my heart have a turn, too?
Ask your heart: why was I given my desires?
This might be tough, so be gentle if it is. The idea is to oscillate between heart and brain. If you’re like most people I work with, you probably already know how to listen to your brain, so ask it to take turns. That’s fair, you see. And it’s okay if your heart voice is just a whisper. You’ll get better at hearing it.
I believe that our hearts know the truth of our inherent worthiness, that we deserve our dreams and that those dreams belong to the universe, too. Sometimes, the conditioning that we’re not deserving goes deep. If that’s the case, and you still want to explore this idea, just touch the edge of it, and walk away. It’ll be there to come back to, if you choose.
Our creativity is part of our humanness, and pulling it out into the light can be very scary. Creativity is an act of courage, every time.
You know how we say, “I’m only human” whenever we’re imperfect in some way? Why not say it when we’re being amazing as well?
You belong in this universe.
Your dreams belong to you.
Therefore, your dreams belong in this universe, too.
You can ask for support from the universe.
You get to be magnificently human, which means being whole and creative.
Can you just try that on for even just a minute today?
* — There’s this scene in Eat, Pray, Love, the memoir by Liz Gilbert, where Liz is waiting for a situation to resolve before she moves on with her life and her friend boldly suggests that she just ask the universe for what she wants:
“Where did you get the idea you aren’t allowed to petition the universe with prayer? You are part of this universe, Liz. You’re a constituent—you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the universe, and to let your feelings be known. So put your opinion out there.”
Call it “The Universe” or “Source” or “Creation” or whatever resonates best. For me, the idea that: because I’m part of it, what matters to me matters to the whole thing, is a beautiful mix of humbling and empowering.
Think about it—your dreams belong to all there is.